What if I were Malcolm?

I have a good friend named Malcolm. He's smart, ambitious, involved, witty, and friendly. He's friends with everyone. Our entire class knows him. He runs every organization on campus. He managed to get one of the world's most famous atheists and most esteemed Christian apologists to debate on campus in an event of unprecedented scale. He's traveled all over the world. He's lived in Washington D.C., London, Dublin, and Philadelphia. He and his brothers and sister are all best friends. The deans of our college are all good friends with him-- he has a pint of Guinness with them regularly. He's only nineteen.

But I just learned from Malcolm that he's not even officially a sophomore; that his GPA is below a 3.0; that he hasn't chosen a major yet; that he's barely considered a full-time student, and only because one of the deans started calling their weekly meeting a "directed reading"; and that he doesn't care. And he's going to be an incredibly successful person.

There's something in me that wants to do it Malcolm's way. I stress about grades like no other. I spend entirely too much time on my assignments, perfecting them with subtleties that will never be fully appreciated. I worry about making money and spending money. Sometimes, I get so caught up in the issues that are going on at home that I can't function in my real world setting.

But what if I just... didn't? What if I lived life the way I wanted to live it in the moment? What if I just went and did things like there was no tomorrow? Take that $600 in the bank and drive to San Francisco, a place I've always wanted to see? What if I just did my English major and didn't try to take on a second? What if that just made me happy? What if I didn't go to grad school? What if I just moved in with someone that I loved, started working really hard at a tough job, and saved up to go to Vietnam and New Zealand and France and Peru? What if I lived near a group of friends that just totally fulfilled me? What if I played Frisbee and talked late into the night with them every weekend of my life? What if I were loving and caring and personable above all else? What if I didn't have a traditional job at all? What if I became a teacher who worked at a neighborhood coffee shop in the evenings? What if I went home with someone I loved every night? What if I could be that person who made such a great first impression that 'credentials' were a secondary (or tertiary) issue? What if I were Malcolm?

I think my desire to be Malcolm is a fleeting one-- a fit of rebellion from the routine. Because then I look at Brian, who is doing brilliant things with his life. He's willing to work hard, and the world is eager to receive him. His concerns are the same as mine often are, and his bothers are similar. Yet, I look at him and know that he's really somebody, you know? And that's where I want to be. I know that. I just hope I'm doing it right.

Take me on an adventure when we get home. I could use one. And let's love each other when we get home. I could use that, too. I miss you girls.

Love, Mary