Vampire Movies

"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make!" -Dracula

So what's the deal with vampires? They're always mentioned along with werewolves, zombies, witches, and ghosts but they seem to be dominating current books, movies, and TV shows. Yes, Twilight did open up a whole new audience of tween girls to the genre, but even before that, they were the most popular of the supernatural creatures. Of course, it helps that now most vampires seem to be sexy, brooding young men who can't help but fall madly in love with the girl next door and, having sworn off humans, can live on the blood of unpopular animals such as rats. But even scary vampire movies are drawing people to the theaters! Whatever the reason the reason is, there are certainly a lot of vampire movies, many of which I've seen. And, it being the wonderful month of October, I have compiled this list of must-sees and must-nots to help your Halloween renting.

Nosferatu (1929)
Directed by F. W. Murnau
Here's the one that started it all. This classic German silent film is the first screen adaptation of Dracula and is one of the best. Amazingly well-done, still creepy today, and influential to all future vampire films, Nosferatu is a must. 4.5 stars.

Dracula (1931)
Directed by Tod Browning
While I'm all for sticking with the classics, this one just doesn't stand the test of time for me. It certainly set the standard for future Dracula films in America with Bela Legosi's mannerisms becoming the standard for the famous vampire and Dwight Frye as his sniveling henchmen, however the theatrical acting, a relic of silent films, doesn't hold true today. But classics are always worth giving a try, so if this one floats your way, make sure to watch it. 3 stars.

Vampyr (1932)
Directed by Carl Theodor Dreyer
This Scandinavian film tells the story of a traveler named Allan Grey who stumbles upon a supernatural mystery featuring our favorite undead creature! Although not frightening anymore, this cleverly shot film is highly entertaining and has several changes to the vampire myth to great effect. I highly recommend this film but make sure you get the Criterion version or the print may be unwatchable. 4 stars.

Blood for Dracula (1974)
Directed by Paul Morrissey
I don't know exactly what happens in this movie since I couldn't get past the first 20 minutes but the general idea is that when there are no more virgins in Romania, Dracula travels to Italy in search of blood only to discover that virginity a hard thing to find. This movie is unbearably slow. If it wasn't for that, I'd probably think the horrible acting, obvious continuity issues, and wanton nudity was funny. Apparently Andy Warhol had something to do with it, so if that interests you, check it out. Otherwise, stay far, far away. 0.5 star.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
Directed by Fran Rubei Kuzui
Written by Joss Whedon, this is the movie before the TV show and, unusually enough, is worse. However, that doesn't mean it can't be a fun watch! A teen comedy rather than a horror movie, look at it as Bring It On meets Dracula and you'll be in good shape. Just don't expect any of the same actors or characters (excepting Buffy). 3 stars.

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
Directed by Francis Ford Coppola
So, if Bram Stoker dropped acid and had 40 million dollars just lying around, this is the movie he'd make. Although, probably not with Keanu Reeves... I honestly got lost somewhere in the weirdness of it all which seemed to be making up for general lack of story. Really, Francis, I expected better from you. 1 star.

Interview with the Vampire (1994)
Directed by Neil Jordan
Any movie that stars both Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise can't be bad! Although they both have to make up for their tragic long hair with good acting. Based on an Anne Rice novel, this is a surprisingly interesting and well-written movie. However, don't expect a horror film with a lot a jumps. This is a character-driven, introspective piece about the nature of vampirism. 4 stars.

Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)
Directed by Mel Brooks
Think Young Frankenstein except with Dracula. And in color. And less funny... 2.5 stars.

Immortality: The Wisdom of the Crocodiles (2000)
Directed by Po Chih Leong
Ok, so you know how a said that Interview With the Vampire is a character-driven, introspective piece about the nature of vampirism? Now, imagine that it's poorly written with weak characters and painfully arty. It magically transforms into Immortality! Not even Jude Law could pull this one off because, God bless him, he somehow thought he could play a role other than arrogant but charming hero. Silly boy! 1 star.

The Queen of the Damned (2002)
Directed by Michael Rymer
This hilariously bad semi-sequel to Interview With the Vampire answers the time old question of what do you do when immortality's got you down? Why, become a rock star of course! This movie is so bad that apparently it was necessary to keep Lestat shirtless for the last 20 minutes. Good for 100 minutes of laughs with friends! 1.5 stars.

Underworld (2003)
Directed by Len Wiseman
Everyone knows this one. It's the simple tale of Romeo and Juliet except this time with vampires and werewolves! Kate Beckinsdale kicks ass in leather pants while Scott Speedman just tries to keep up. A guilty pleasure more than a legitimately good movie, this is a good mindless action flick. PLUS VAMPIRES! 3.5 stars.

Van Helsing (2004)
Directed by Stephen Sommers
With Wolverine AND Faramir this movie should kick just as much ass as Underworld, however it lacks a certain something. We'll call it... coherency. This summer blockbuster features a combination of flat characters, crude humor, and a weird variation on the Dracula myth. 1 star.

Night Watch/Day Watch (2005/2006)
Directed by Timur Bekmambetov
Although not strictly a vampire movie, Night Watch (and its sequel Day Watch) are visually stunning, terribly violent, and generally mind blowing. Timur Bekmambetov was born to direct action sequences and these movies have some doozies! Starring my favorite Russian, these movies are sure to show you something new. 4.5 stars/3.5 stars.

30 Days of Night (2007)
Directed by David Slade
This is a pretty basic vampire horror movie. The vampires are ridiculous and it stars Josh Hartnett but it's got a few jumps and little suspense to keep you watching. 3 stars.

I Am Legend (2007)
Directed by Francis Lawrence
I not sure whether these are vampires or zombies but they can't go into sunlight, so we'll put them here. This is actually a good horrorish movie with Will Smith as the last man on earth, still desperately trying to find a cure for zompirism. It's got a few scary moments, an adorable golden retriever, and some interesting themes. 4 stars.

Twilight (2008)
Directed by Catherine Hardwicke
AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, this is technically a vampire movie. Yes, I have seen it. Yes, Edward Cullen is a running joke in my apartment. Yes, Robert Pattinson is a running joke in my apartment. Yes, vampires are in fact "sparkly" in the movie. Yes, I died laughing when I found this out. 2 stars.

Let the Right One In (2008)
Directed by Thomas Alfredson
Let's end this on a positive note. This is a Scandinavian film which is FREAKISHLY AMAZING! A young boy with no friends and an unhappy home life makes friends with the mysterious girl who moves in next to him and teaches him to stick up for himself. This is at times sweet, heart-wrenching, brutal, and beautiful and I would strongly recommend this movie to everyone whether you like vampire movies or not because this is so much more. 5 stars.